Site Map

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Laura's Legacy Chapter 1:19: Painful Readjustments

The next few weeks went by, but the pain lingered. I knew Pat was feeling it too. He hadn't stopped by to see Meadow, and I had only run into him coming and going from the studio.
Finally one day I invited him for dinner, telling him that Meadow had been asking for him. He agreed to come; we spent dinner talking about Meadow, work, anything other than our broken relationship.
After dinner I got up to put the dishes in the dishwasher and heard Pat walk up behind me.
"Laura...Laura I miss you so much!", Pat said. "I want to wrap you in my arms and kiss you passionately. I want to spend the night, helping you look after Meadow. I want to be with you both so much!"
Oh my Goth, I could feel myself melting as I always did when Pat was near me. I knew I needed to be resolute. "I miss you too, Pat. More than you know. But if you want to be with us, then you need to leave Julia", I said as calmly as I could manage.
"You know I can't do that!", he exploded.
"I know, Pat", I said softly. "You can't leave Julia and I just can't do this part-time relationship any more. Do you really think it's fair of you to ask that of me?"
He didn't answer, and we stood there just looking at each other with sadness and longing. I knew this was going to be difficult, but I had no idea how much! I wanted him to kiss me and hold me and tell me he was never leaving us. It hurt so much knowing he was choosing Julia over me and Meadow!
Pat turned around and went to the family room to say goodbye to Meadow and I quietly followed.
He picked her up and told her he was leaving. Sweet Meadow whispered loudly in his ear, "I wuv you!".
He hugged her tightly but gently to him. "I love you too, Sweetheart"; he said in a voice that was a little shaky.
Then he handed her to me and left the house without saying another word. Meadow and I stood forlornly in the living room for several minutes in the exact spot where he left us.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Laura's Legacy Chapter 1:18 - Ultimatums Part II

I walked up to Pat and finally blurted out; "Pat.. I want to be married. I want to have another baby!".
"Laura, I'm sorry, you know I can't give that to you." He shook his head vigorously. "I can't leave Julia. We've been through so much together and I just can't do that to her!", Pat replied. "But I love you and Meadow more than I can say".
"Oh God, Pat." She had suspected that they'd decided to make their marriage real for a long time, but hearing him finally say he wouldn't leave her was still a dagger to her heart. "I don't know what hold she has on you, Pat, or how she saved your life, and I won't ask unless you want to talk about it", I said sadly. "And I love you too, desperately, but I think it might be better..."; I paused. This was so difficult! "It might be better for us to just be friends", I said in a small voice.
Pat looked and sounded shocked. "No! Oh my Goth, no! I don't want to lose you and Meadow!"
"I...I had hoped that you would want to continue seeing Meadow at least, and being a part of her life. A little girl needs her Daddy!", I replied.
"Of course I'm not going to abandon Meadow!", Pat said angrily.
I was relieved that he wanted to remain a part of Meadow's life, and thought I might as well tell him about Jake while I was at it. He was going to find out eventually anyway. "I...I've also been seeing someone else", I continued.
Pat explode at this bit of news. "What! Who?! Who is he!"
"His name is Jake...but that's not really important! He's a wonderful man and...and he's not married!", I said loudly. "I am just trying to move on and do what's best for me and Meadow, Pat", I answered in a more subdued voice.
"Oh...Frabit!" Pat said in frustration. "But Laura, I love you so much!"
"I love you too, Pat", I softly replied in a shaky, tear-filled voice. "But I want something more than what you can apparently give me. Meadow and I deserve something more!"; I said a little desperately.
Pat finally sighed deeply. He looked like he was being torn in two, but I felt the same way.
After what seemed like several minutes of silence looking at the floor, he raised his head and looked at me intently. "Yes", he said slowly. "Yes, you do deserve something more. Both of you". He grabbed me and gave me a big, passionate kiss that nearly turned me into a puddle on the floor, then walked quickly out the door, down the stairs, and out of the house.
I heard the front door slam with a bang that shot clear through me and I spent most of the night sobbing in misery.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Laura's Legacy Chapter 1.17: Ultimatums Part 1

Still, I procrastinated having that talk with Pat. I agonized over it for weeks, in fact. Finally one day I went to visit my boss Matthew Hamming; he knew about me and Pat, of course. It didn't bother him in the least, since he changed partners about every other week.
We had a nice visit and I finally admitted to him that I was also attracted to Jake. He really didn't have any suggestions for me, though.
I wasn't sure what I had expected. Advice from a guy with commitment issues? How crazy was that? Then it occurred to me that maybe I had just wanted him to tell Pat about Jake so I wouldn't have to! What a mean and cowardly thing to do, I realized. Since tomorrow was Saturday, I decided I would invite Pat over in the afternoon and finally have that discussion with him about our future. The thought of it was painful and frightening, but I knew I had to do it.
I only hoped that if Pat and I decided not to see each other romantically again, that he would want to continue to be a part of Meadow's life. "I hope I am making the right decision, little one", I said to Meadow sadly. I desperately wanted to do the right thing for her and me both.
Saturday finally came and Pat arrived at the house. We exchanged small talk for a few minutes, then both of us became lost in thought. Pat picked up his tablet to check his email. 
After a short silence, I took a deep breath and simply said; "Pat." Something about my tone must have caught his attention immediately; he turned his head and looked at me. I sat down next to him on the sofa but suddenly I was struggling for words and was silent for the next several seconds.
I continued looking at my lap, trying to decide how to start, then turned to look at Pat. But Pat suddenly got up and went bounding up the stairs. I wondered if he had dreaded this conversation as much as I had.
I figured he went to see Meadow in the nursery, and that's where I found him, holding Meadow. When I entered the room, he put Meadow down and turned to face me.
To be continued....

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Laura's Legacy Chapter 1:16: The Letter

Time went on, and I continued to juggle caring for Meadow, working at my career, and seeing both Jake and Pat.
With Pat's help, Meadow learned to walk and talk. We were both so excited when she took those first steps! She was a very quick learner, a very smart little girl. We were working on teaching her reading next.
It was all rather exhausting, but it kept me too busy to think about the things I was trying to avoid.
After learning that Cheesesteak was both Jake and Pat's favorite food, I learned how to make it. It sure made choosing what to serve for dinner very easy!
But I was becoming more and more afraid that if things continued this way, I would lose both Jake and Pat. I just needed to find the courage to talk to Pat soon. Who would he choose? I was so scared to find out, because I was afraid it wouldn't be me. But that was all the more reason to make some changes, so I knew it had to be done.
And then one day after returning home after work, I received quite a shock. I got a love letter from Pat in the mail. It read;
"I've been wanting to tell you for a while now - I just didn't know how. I love you, Laura."
I stood there next to the mail box for a few moments. I had so many feelings running through me that I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Was it true? Would he leave Julia even if it was?
After changing clothes and hiring a babysitter, and putting on my sunglasses to hide the evidence of the tears I did cry after all, I ran over to Jeck's house because she just had to talk to someone about this. Fortunately he was home! I told him all about how I loved Pat but I was afraid that he would never leave Julia, and had a terrible time letting go. But I loved Jake also, and was afraid that I would lose Jake if things continued this way. 
"I had been seriously thinking that I should talk to Pat about making a choice between me or Julia and if necessary, ending our romantic relationship. But I'm also afraid of hurting Meadow's chances of being with her father. But then Pat sent this letter that had me all torn up about what to do!"
"I can't believe he did this to me! Just when I was about ready for the possibility of just being friends with Pat for Meadow's sake, and commit fully to being with Jake, he sends me a love letter and tells me that he loves me!"; I said in frustration.
"Well", Jeck finally replied after a short silence, "I don't want to be a downer, but I can't see how it makes much difference that he says he loves you. You don't really think he's going to leave his wife, do you? After all this time?" he asked. "If what you want is something more permanent, I don't think Pat's the right guy for you".
Sadly, I didn't think he would ever leave her either; I had to admit that I had come to that conclusion quite a while ago. But hearing Jeck say it out loud was heartbreaking because I knew that I had still hoped for a different outcome. Maybe it was finally time to confront Pat about our future once and for all, and I needed to steel myself for doing just that. I knew that the longer things went on this way, the more I risked losing Jake, and that was a very painful thought, too.