One day, about a month and a half after our return from location, I had discovered something rather shocking, a little surprise that must have happened when we were on location. As scary as the thought was, I knew that I had to tell Pat right away. He had a right to know.
Still, I procrastinated. Finally on a Sunday afternoon after inviting Pat over to my apartment, I broke the news to him. "Pat... Pat, I have something I need to tell you."
"Oh God, I don't know how to say this", I said. "What is it, Laura? You can tell me anything", Pat said.
I'm pregnant!", I finally announced nervously.
"What!? Oh my God!" he said.
"I know! It was a shock to me too!"
"Oh my God!", he said again.
For a minute I thought I was going to burst into tears. "I know it's a shock, I certainly never intended for this to happen, and obviously you didn't either!", I said. By the Goths, I sure hope he didn't think I was trying to trap him. I would just die!
He finally said, "Are you going to keep it?"
"Yes!", I said without hesitation. I wasn't sure how I should interpret that question so I choose not to think about it too much. I was completely shocked when I discovered I was pregnant too, but then I realized how much I loved Pat and how much I knew I would love our child. "But you need to know that it's completely your choice if you want to be involved or not", I told him. I meant it, but I held my breath in anticipation of his answer, not knowing if he would choose to stay or go.
He grabbed me and hugged me, and said; "Yes, quite a shock. I'm sorry for my reaction, Laura. I want you to know that I'm going to stand by you and the baby". I felt all the tension just melt out of me at that. "Thank you, Pat", I said, and breathed a muffled sigh of relief into his shirt. I guess I wasn't even aware how scared I was that he would abandon me. I guess I should have know better; he was good guy, but you never know what someone will do under pressure.
We watched TV and talked a little bit but it was getting late so I asked him if he wanted to spend the night.
"Yes, that would be great. To be honest I'm still feeling a little shell shocked", he said. I figured he must be thinking about how he was going to tell Julia about this. Would they finally decide to end their facade of a marriage, I wondered?
We laid down and he just held me until I fell asleep. The next morning, I was up before Pat was. I had a feeling he didn't fall asleep until the early morning hours. I totally understood; when I first found out I was pregnant I spent a few sleepless nights myself. I got dressed and did some housework, and when Pat woke up we ate some waffles I'd prepared.
After breakfast we sat down to watch the news on TV. After it was over, Pat brought up the subject of my tiny apartment. "You know with a baby coming, you can't stay in this miniscule place. I am going to find you and the baby a house to live in".
"Noooo", I cried, "I can't allow you to buy a house! That's too much!". The idea upset me. I have to admit that I was terribly disappointed that he didn't call it a house for all of us to live in. Besides that, it made me feel like some sort of 'kept woman'. I hated that! The whole idea just didn't set right with me. "I'm not a gold digger looking for a sugar daddy!", I said to him.
"I know you're not like that, Laura. I'm sorry it makes you feel that way, but you need to think of the baby", replied Pat. "You're still living on a struggling actress wages and I'm rich! I can afford to take care of both of you!".
Ugh! I knew it would make Pat happy to help with this, and there was no doubt that trying to take care of the baby in this tiny apartment would be hugely difficult. There was hardly room for a crib, and someday the baby would need his own bedroom. And maybe, just maybe, I thought, this would lead to something more permanent between us. Maybe he would eventually move in and we could at least live together?
"OK, I will accept your generous offer of help on behalf of the baby", I finally replied. Pat seemed very pleased and said he'd begin looking for a suitable place immediately. "Nothing too fancy! We certainly won't need a big house so please don't go overboard", I said. I still didn't like the idea but I couldn't afford a suitable place for a child on my salary, so the truth be told I needed the help. And he was the baby's father, after all. I was very happy that he wanted to be a part of our lives, at least.
