Still, I procrastinated having that talk with Pat. I agonized over it for weeks, in fact. Finally one day I went to visit my boss Matthew Hamming; he knew about me and Pat, of course. It didn't bother him in the least, since he changed partners about every other week.
We had a nice visit and I finally admitted to him that I was also attracted to Jake. He really didn't have any suggestions for me, though.
I wasn't sure what I had expected. Advice from a guy with commitment issues? How crazy was that? Then it occurred to me that maybe I had just wanted him to tell Pat about Jake so I wouldn't have to! What a mean and cowardly thing to do, I realized. Since tomorrow was Saturday, I decided I would invite Pat over in the afternoon and finally have that discussion with him about our future. The thought of it was painful and frightening, but I knew I had to do it.
I only hoped that if Pat and I decided not to see each other romantically again, that he would want to continue to be a part of Meadow's life. "I hope I am making the right decision, little one", I said to Meadow sadly. I desperately wanted to do the right thing for her and me both.
Saturday finally came and Pat arrived at the house. We exchanged small talk for a few minutes, then both of us became lost in thought. Pat picked up his tablet to check his email.
After a short silence, I took a deep breath and simply said; "Pat." Something about my tone must have caught his attention immediately; he turned his head and looked at me. I sat down next to him on the sofa but suddenly I was struggling for words and was silent for the next several seconds.
I continued looking at my lap, trying to decide how to start, then turned to look at Pat. But Pat suddenly got up and went bounding up the stairs. I wondered if he had dreaded this conversation as much as I had.
I figured he went to see Meadow in the nursery, and that's where I found him, holding Meadow. When I entered the room, he put Meadow down and turned to face me.
To be continued....